Still Here, Still Trying
by 08joanna
Summary: My take on what happens next, immediately post "Help Me," with emphasis on the reality of the situation and things I believe Cuddy needs to say and House needs to hear. Now complete at 20 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"How do I know I'm not hallucinating?" House asked Cuddy.

"Did you take the Vicodin?"

He opened his hand and showed her the pills. "Nope."

"Then I think we're okay."

"Yeah."

He dropped the pills on the bathroom floor and laced his hand into hers. They kissed again, passionately and intensely. They stayed that way for several long moments, and then he put one hand on her shoulder and leaned against her a little.

"You need to get off your feet," Cuddy said.

"Yeah, I do," he admitted. He raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the bedroom. "My king-size is the best place for that."

"You also need a bath."

"The tub's full of broken mirror."

"First things first. Let's get you in bed and I'll clean out the tub. Then you can take a bath, and I'll re-bandage your shoulder."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do."

Cuddy snaked an arm around his waist and helped him into the bedroom. He gasped as he lowered himself onto the bed.

"Where's the ibuprofen?" she asked.

He motioned to the bedside table. Cuddy found the bottle, took out two pills and handed them to House.

"I'll get you some water."

"Thanks."

She went to the kitchen and brought him back a glass of water, then proceeded back into the bathroom.

"Do you have a small broom and dustpan? There are a lot of pieces of small glass."

"Hall closet," he answered.

Cuddy found them, as well as a large garbage bag, and started on the tub. After getting as much as she could with the dustpan, she ran water in the tub to make sure all the tiniest pieces went down the drain. Then she returned to House, who was still prone on his bed on top of the covers. He'd removed his filthy leather jacket and T-shirt, but still had on his shoes and pants. Wordlessly, Cuddy removed his shoes and socks and helped him stand again.

"Where's your cane?" she asked.

House looked around the room. "I'm not sure. Must've left it at the site."

"Why would you leave it?"

"I wasn't thinking of anything but getting Hannah into the ambulance. I guess the adrenaline was still flowing." His face fell at the thought of Hannah.

"Right." She supported him as he walked back to the bathroom. "Do you need anything else right now?" She didn't want to interfere too much, but he still looked awfully unsteady.

"No, I can handle it," he said. "Thanks again."

House took a long hot bath, which felt wonderful. He still couldn't quite believe that Cuddy was actually here, waiting for him in the next room. The events of the day had been so stressful and upsetting, but here she was, wanting him. They had so much to say to each other, so much to figure out, but he suddenly felt the exhaustion overcome him, and didn't think he'd be up for much more tonight.

After about twenty minutes, Cuddy knocked gently on the bathroom door.

"You still awake in there?" she asked.

"Yeah, come on in," House replied.

"You sure?"

"You've seen me naked before, remember?"

"Yes, of course I remember."

"So, come on in."

Cuddy entered the bathroom, holding a large towel. House was still in the tub, looking much more relaxed and comfortable than before, but still drained. He'd removed the old bandage from his shoulder, and the wound had started bleeding again slightly. He stood gingerly, holding onto the tiled walls, and Cuddy couldn't help but feel a flood of warmth at the sight of his dripping nakedness. Aside from the leg, he really was a glorious specimen of manhood. His chest and arms, especially, were so well-developed, lean yet muscular, and even the wrinkles in his face and graying hair were somehow a turn-on for her. She briefly thought of Lucas' relative scrawniness in comparison. House motioned to Cuddy with a wave of his hand.

"Might need a hand here," he said.

She walked over and held out her arm to steady him as he stepped out of the tub, and then helped him over to the toilet seat. He toweled off and she brought over some antiseptic and a bandage and tape to put a new dressing on his shoulder. He flinched as she applied the antiseptic.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's okay."

"You probably should've had a few stitches in this," she said as she dabbed at the wound before applying the fresh dressing.

He glanced over at his shoulder and shook his head. "It'll be fine."

Cuddy frowned, but quickly finished up her job and then helped him up again. They proceeded back to the bedroom and both sat on the bed.

"What now?" he asked quietly.

Cuddy smiled at him and replied, "We're both exhausted. But I'd like to stay with you tonight, if you want."

"What about Rachel?"

"The nanny's there. I told her I wouldn't be back until morning."

"I'd like for you to stay," he said.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He stretched out on the bed and she remained sitting, but leaned back against the headboard.

"We don't have to do anything, or even talk if you don't want," she said.

He ran his hand down her arm and took her hand again. "We can talk," he said. "We should talk."


	2. Chapter 2

"We should talk," House said.

"Okay. What's on your mind?"

"Why did you suddenly come to this decision? What changed?"

Cuddy looked down at her hand in his, and then slowly up to his eyes. She wasn't sure she could really explain this to him.

"I just… I saw you tonight, crawling in and out of that pile of rubble, and realized that you've come a long way. The way you spoke to Hannah…" Cuddy started tearing up again at the thought of it.

"I meant every word of it."

"I know, and I'm sorry, House."

"For what? I was basically admitting that you were right back then. I might've been much better off letting them lop this whole damn thing off after the infarction," he said, gesturing to his leg.

"It's not that. I'm sorry for what happened after you came back from Mayfield, for the way I've treated you all this time. I didn't want you knowing about Lucas at first because I was worried about how you'd react, but the way I let you find out about him was just cruel. I didn't trust you, didn't think you'd really changed, and kept trying to convince myself that I was better off with Lucas, even though I never really loved him. When I think of some of the things I did, I'm so ashamed."

"None of it was that bad."

"Yes, it was. You didn't deserve to be sent on a wild goose chase on Thanksgiving, or to have me walk out on that dance at the conference, or have Lucas blab about your problems in a public place. God, sometimes he really doesn't know when to keep his trap shut, but it was my fault for ever trusting him with a confidence. I never even told you how proud I was of you, and I was, House. I was proud of you for continuing with the therapy and staying off narcotics. Wilson kept telling me that you were doing well, even though the pain was bad sometimes, but I never even acknowledged it. That's inexcusable."

"No, it isn't. You had reasons to distrust me, and I don't blame you."

"Well, at least I can say it now. I'm proud of you."

House looked disturbed by that, and Cuddy squeezed his hand.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"If you only knew how many times I've been tempted, maybe you wouldn't be."

"That doesn't matter. All that matters now is that you're still here, still trying. I've come close to losing you too many times, and I couldn't let another minute go by without telling you how I really feel. When that second collapse happened, with you in there, I was terrified. Just the thought of losing you…"

"Wasn't much fun for me either," he quipped. Then he got silent, and Cuddy could see the grief in his eyes again.

"You really connected with her, didn't you?" she asked softly.

"Yeah."

"I know you probably keep going over it in your mind, but you did everything you could for her. It just wasn't meant to be."

"She asked me to pray with her at one point."

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told her I didn't believe in God, and she said neither did she, but we still prayed, in our own ways. Too bad no one was listening."

"I'm so sorry it didn't work out. You were right – amputating under those kind of conditions is always a huge risk."

"No – she would've died if I hadn't done it. But she died anyway, so…"

"At least she got out and saw her husband one more time. At least there were people with her at the end."

House immediately recalled Hannah's eyes locked on his in those final moments in the ambulance, and he turned his face away from Cuddy. "Can we change the subject, please?"

"Sure. You look exhausted. Let's just try to get some sleep, okay?"

House nodded, and Cuddy pulled the covers over him and spooned close to his still naked body, warm from the bath.

There would be plenty of time later for passionate sex, for figuring out how to be both his boss and his lover, while still being Rachel's mom. For now, she was content to drape an arm over his chest and feel his heartbeat under her hand. He was alive, and she was finally with him. It had taken her too long, but she was here now, and, wonder of wonders, he still wanted her.


	3. Chapter 3

Cuddy was an early riser. She had to be, with the dual demands of her work schedule and Rachel. But by the time she and House finally fell asleep that night after the crane collapse, it was actually almost dawn, almost the time Cuddy would normally be getting up, and she was so exhausted that she slept like a log. House was awake before her, and around noon, he nudged her and planted a kiss on her nose.

"Cuddy," he said softly. She rolled over and groaned. "Hey, sleeping beauty, getting up any time soon?" he asked in a louder voice.

She opened her eyes and in her grogginess it took her a moment to remember where she was and why she was waking up next to House. A grin slowly formed on her face and she kissed him and snuggled into his chest.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Almost noon."

Cuddy sat up quickly and glanced at House's clock on the bedside table. "Oh, my God, I can't believe it's that late! I have to call Marina."

"Who's Marina?"

"My nanny. She knew I'd be gone all night, but it's so late! How long have you been up?"

"A couple hours."

"So, you only got, what, like five hours of sleep?"

He shrugged. "I never sleep very well."

"Feeling okay this morning?"

"Not as bad as last night."

"What does that mean?"

He didn't want this to be the first thing they talked about today, so he just said, "Look, mornings are always tough. I'll manage." He reached over to the nightstand and handed her his phone. "Here, call the nanny."

"Thanks." Cuddy dialed, and House listened to her side of the conversation. "Marina, hi. I'm so sorry I didn't call sooner. … So you saw it on the news? Yes, it was quite a horrible scene, and we were there very late. … No, I'm not still at the hospital. I'll be home soon, but then I do have to go back into work this afternoon. … Thanks so much, you're the best. … Yes, please put her on. … Rachel, sweetie, this is Mommy. I know I wasn't there when you woke up this morning, but Mommy was busy taking care of sick people. I'll come see you soon, honey. Bye-bye."

Cuddy looked at House and felt a sudden pang of guilt. How could she run out on him so soon? But it was a Wednesday, and she had things to do - first and foremost, going home to see Rachel for a short time before getting back to work. Still dressed in her pink scrubs from the night before, she got out of bed to head to the bathroom, and then looked back at him.

"I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted our first morning together to go, but I …"

"Yeah, I know. Either you'll feel guilty about leaving me or guilty about not going home to see her. I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

"Really? You understand? Because you know I'd like nothing better than to stay here with you all day. We could both use a mental health day, though in your case, we could legitimately call it a sick day, I think."

"You think?" He smiled at her and considered the irony of all the times he'd felt like calling in sick and instead pushed himself to go to work, not wanting to explain to her the details of his physical state. "Maybe now that we're together, I'll actually be taking things like all that vacation time I've built up and even the occasional sick day," he joked. "That's if my boss lets me."

"Did I really act like you weren't entitled to things that everyone else gets?"

House nodded and smiled again.

"What a jerk I've been." She put a stern look on her face, pointed a finger at him, and said, "I'm telling you, as your boss, that you are **not** to come to work today. Is that clear, House?"

"I love it when you boss me around, but actually, I may try to go in later. I wanna check on how the crane operator's doing."

"No, please – just rest. You can call your team and get an update."

"I'll see. Go. Go see Rachel. I'll catch up with you later."

"Thank you." She walked over and kissed him. "Thanks for understanding."

"No biggie."

"I do love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. Love you too, Lisa."

She tried to keep the shock off her face. She hadn't been expecting him to say it so soon, wasn't even sure he'd say it at all, but it was great to hear. She instinctively knew that he wouldn't want her to make a big deal out of it, though, and just said, "So now I'm Lisa?"

"Only when I say I love you. You're still Cuddy the rest of the time. Or maybe I'll make it 'Cuddly' from now on."

"I like that." She laughed and pointed her boss finger at him again. "But not at work."

House nodded obediently, but his eyes were full of mischief.

"So, what should I call you?" she asked.

"Oh, you'll come up with something. Just don't make it too cutesy or I might die of saccharine overload. I trust you. Go, start your day."

As she walked out of the bedroom, she glanced back over her shoulder at him and met his gaze again. "Later," she said.

"Yeah, later." He stretched out on the bed and tried to get a little more sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

House never did go to work on Wednesday. His shoulder was a little sore, and his leg was still quite aggravated from all that crawling over broken concrete. But he did call the team in the early afternoon to check on the crane operator. Taub was the only one who answered.

"Where is everyone?" House asked.

"How are you? Foreman said you had a pretty rough night."

"I'll survive. You didn't answer my question."

"Chase is helping out with some of the other victims from last night, and Foreman's with our patient," Taub answered.

"So how's he doing?"

"You were right. We found a spinal cyst. He's scheduled for surgery this afternoon."

"Nifty. Where's Thirteen?"

"She called in."

"And said?"

"That she wouldn't be in today."

"That's not remotely the whole story. Taub, you know something, and you know I have ways of getting it out of you."

"You should talk to her yourself. She left a note on your desk late last night."

"And? God, this is like pulling teeth! What did the note say?"

"It's private. I didn't read it."

"Maybe not, but you still know something."

Taub sighed. "I think she's starting to have symptoms. She may want to take some time off."

"Damn," House said under his breath. "Okay, I'll deal with her."

"I assume we shouldn't expect you in at all today, huh?"

"Well, considering that the remains of a parking garage nearly crushed me last night, your assumption is correct."

"Think you'll be in tomorrow?"

"Most likely."

"Okay. Take it easy, House."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow."

House hung up, slumped on the couch and ran a hand over his face. He'd been dreading this for a while. Why did every great thing (like finally being with Cuddy) have to be offset by something depressing? Damn Huntington's. He thought she would've had more time before symptoms started appearing. He needed to talk to her, if only to find out for himself what was really going on. He'd go into work tomorrow and read the note, and then figure out what to say to her.

Wilson called a few minutes later.

"Hey House. I heard about what happened last night. You doing okay?"

"Yeah."

"That couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't."

"And yet you actually do sound okay."

"Well, it wasn't all bad."

"What happened?"

"You'll never believe it, but Cuddy actually came here when it was all over and wound up spending the night."

"House! You're kidding, right? Are you kidding?"

"Would I kid about this, Wilson?"

"Wow! That's great. Did you, you know…"

"Unfortunately, no. I wasn't in any shape for that, and she was exhausted too. But it'll happen soon."

"What about Lucas?"

"She dumped him, a day after accepting an engagement ring."

"I'm speechless. I'm just … that's amazing."

"Look, Wilson – I doubt she wants anyone knowing about this yet, so just keep it to yourself, okay?"

"Of course. I'm happy for you, buddy."

"Well, don't get too happy yet. You know there are a million ways I could screw it up, or she could come to her senses and realize she's made a huge mistake."

"Ever the voice of optimism," Wilson said sarcastically. "Don't start doubting it can work before it even starts, House."

"Do you know me at all?"

"Just give it a chance. That's all I'm saying. Just a sec – my pager's going off. Gotta run, House. I'll talk to you later."

House flipped his phone closed and limped into the kitchen for a drink. He'd have to get a new cane pronto, unless he could find a spare hidden away in a closet somewhere. He opened the fridge to get some water and saw several bottles of beer, not a brand he even liked, and remembered that Alvie had bought it when he was staying there. He reached for one of them and then thought of Cuddy. She knew he was off narcotics, but it suddenly occurred to him that she really had no idea how much booze he'd been downing lately, other than that one morning after he'd woken up in the neighbor's kid's bed and admitted to her he'd been drinking. "A million ways to screw it up," he said out loud, and then repeated Wilson's advice, in an effort to convince himself, "Give it a chance." He grabbed a bottle of water instead, vowing not to screw it up today, at least.


	5. Chapter 5

House hadn't heard from Cuddy all afternoon, and started wondering if she was having second thoughts, but just as he was about to call her, she called him, around 6:00, as she was getting ready to leave the hospital. He saw her name on the caller ID and beamed as he picked up the phone.

"Hey, Cuddly."

"Hi," she said, sounding somewhat shy and tentative. "Feeling any better? Have you been getting some rest?"

"I'm okay. You coming by?"

"I could, but I'd really like to spend some time with Rachel before her bedtime tonight, and I've gotta give Marina a break. She's not live-in, and usually leaves by 6:30, unless I have an emergency, like last night. Could you come over to my place instead? We could get some takeout for dinner."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Oh, wait, your motorcycle's still in Trenton, isn't it? Do you need a lift?"

"What's wrong with my car?"

"Nothing. Just thought driving might be a problem today."

"Nah. It's a short trip."

"How are you gonna get the bike back?"

"I called the cops in Trenton, and they're holding it for me. Told them I'd try to come get it in a day or two. Wilson can probably give me a ride there."

"Or I could, if you can wait until the weekend."

"Sure, whatever. Look, are you sure you want me there tonight? Maybe it's too soon for me to be getting involved in Rachel's life."

"You can't date me without being involved in her life, House."

"I realize that."

"Listen, she'll be in bed by 8:00. If you want to come after then, it's fine. I get why you might want to ease into this slowly."

"No, that's okay. I'll come around 7:00. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, name it."

"I can't find my spare cane. Thought there was one in the hall closet, but I've looked everywhere. Bring one from the hospital, okay?"

"Any preferences?"

"Whatever you can find that doesn't scream cripple. It's just temporary; nothing the hospital has will be sleek enough for me. Just make sure it's not a quad cane."

"I'll see if I can find a wooden one instead of aluminum."

"You're a saint."

"See you soon."

"Bye."

As House got ready to leave, he thought about what Cuddy had said. She was right, he knew. There was no way to be with her without also being with Rachel. They were a package deal. It wasn't like he was averse to the idea – he liked kids generally, and sometimes felt as if he understood them better than adults. But he'd never really spent much time with one, had never even had a niece or nephew, of course, being an only child. He'd never had to test his patience in that way, or put his own priorities behind those of someone whose needs couldn't be ignored. He also wondered how close the baby had gotten to Lucas in the months he'd been with Cuddy. He'd been around for nearly half of Rachel's eighteen months of life, and seemed like he had a natural easiness with her in the few times House had seen them together. He was young and healthy and had probably played with her actively. House tried to imagine himself keeping up with a constantly-moving toddler, and had a hard time picturing it. But Cuddy wanted him, not Lucas, so she must believe he had it in him to do this. Right now, he just hoped the kid was a good sleeper and they'd have some privacy tonight. House had plans for tonight – plans that were definitely not G-rated.


	6. Chapter 6

House pulled into Cuddy's driveway around 7:15 and walked to her front door, holding his leg as he limped caneless up a couple of steps to the landing. He took a deep breath and stood there for a long moment before ringing the bell. She opened the door, with Rachel perched on her hip. The baby was already dressed for bed in a pale yellow nightgown, and Cuddy had changed out of her work clothes into jeans and a tank top. House stood there for several moments, and Cuddy laughed and finally said, "Are you coming in, or not?"

He walked in and glanced around a spacious living room. There were some moving boxes lined up against one wall, but the place was otherwise already well furnished and organized.

"Nice place," he said.

"It's not that much bigger than my old house, but has three bedrooms and a larger yard. Lucas wanted someplace newer, but I really liked this one."

"How long have you been here?"

"Only a couple of weeks."

"Would you have bought this if you hadn't been with Lucas?"

"I don't know, maybe – but he's the one who really wanted us to move."

House felt awkward with this conversation and even more awkward just standing there, as Rachel stared at him with large brown eyes.

"Hi Rachel," he said.

"Hi," she replied.

"This is Dr. House, Rachel. Do you remember him?"

Rachel shook her head and buried her face in Cuddy's shoulder.

"Why would she remember me? I've only seen her a few times," House said.

"Well, she's very observant. Sometimes she amazes me with the things she remembers."

"Down," Rachel said.

Cuddy put her down and Rachel ran across the wooden floor on chubby little bare legs. She found a pull toy under a chair, a plastic frog on a cord, and started dragging it around the room. It made a ribbiting sound as she pulled it, and she squealed back at it.

"Have a seat," Cuddy said. "I picked up some Chinese on the way home, and we can eat soon."

House sat on the couch and Cuddy joined him. He didn't quite know what to say or do. He wanted to reach over and kiss her, but couldn't help feeling like they should wait until Rachel was asleep. Instead he just took her hand.

"So," he said. "Witty conversation starter, huh?"

She smiled at him and asked, "Did you get any more sleep today?"

"I dozed on and off."

"Oh, I picked up a cane for you. I'll go get it." She got up and went down the hallway, bringing back a dark gray metal cane with a flat handle. "Sorry, but Ortho didn't have any wooden ones. This was the best I could do."

"Thanks. At least it's not one of those glaringly bright silver ones." He stood up and tried it out for a few steps.

"Is the length okay? I tried to find a long one."

"It's fine," he said.

Jeez, this felt strange, House thought. Why were they suddenly so tentative with each other? Was it Rachel's presence in the room? Rachel somehow got her frog caught on the coffee table leg. She tugged on it and it flipped over and would no longer roll or make its sound. She whimpered, and Cuddy got up and brought her to the couch. She sat on Cuddy's lap and looked at House quizzically.

"She must be wondering where Lucas is," House said. "She's confused by me."

"It'll take time, House. She was quite attached to him, had even started calling him Dada, but that doesn't mean she won't get used to you."

"Dada?" Rachel asked.

"No, Rachel," Cuddy said, looking at Rachel somewhat sadly. "He's not here."

"Maybe I should go," House said.

"You're not going. She's only a year and a half, House. In the long run, she won't even remember Lucas." Cuddy stroked Rachel's dark brown hair. "She's getting sleepy. Would you like to read her a story?"

House hesitated, but then looked into Cuddy's face and again heard Wilson's words in his head. "Okay," he finally said.

Cuddy got up and crossed the room to a toy chest in the corner, pulling out a large picture book. "This is one of her favorites." She handed it to House.

"_Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening_?" House asked. "She likes Robert Frost?"

"The illustrations are wonderful, and she gets mesmerized by the sound of the words, even if she doesn't understand them all. But you'd be surprised; her vocabulary is expanding very quickly now."

Cuddy sat back down and put Rachel on the couch between the two of them. Rachel pointed to the book and said "Snow." House opened the book and began reading.

"_Whose woods these are I think I know._

_His house is in the village though;_

_He will not see me stopping here_

_To watch his woods fill up with snow._

_My little horse must think it queer_

_To stop without a farmhouse near_

Rachel pointed to the page and said, "Horsie."

"That's right, Rachel," Cuddy said. "Horsie."

House continued,

_Between the woods and frozen lake_

_The darkest evening of the year._

_He gives his harness bells a shake_

_To ask if there is some mistake._

_The only other sound's the sweep_

_Of easy wind and downy flake._

_The woods are lovely, dark and deep,_

_But I have promises to keep,_

_And miles to go before I sleep,_

_And miles to go before I sleep."_

Rachel looked at House and said "More."

"Does she want another one?" House asked.

"Read this one again," Cuddy said. "By the third time around she may start nodding off."

Through two more readings, Rachel kept pointing to the pictures and saying a few more words. Her little body leaned against his side as he read, and House relaxed a little. This was calming, he thought, and the baby was yawning and rubbing her eyes when he was done. It seemed to take so little to make her happy. Maybe he really wouldn't be so bad at this, even if he couldn't run around the room with her.

"Let me try to put her down," Cuddy said. "It's a little early, but she might be ready. Say night night, Rachel."

Rachel stretched a hand out to House and said, "Night Night."

"Goodnight," he said. He lightly kissed the top of her head and Cuddy carried her into the nursery.


	7. Chapter 7

As Cuddy was putting Rachel to bed, House took the time to look around the room more carefully. It was obvious that Lucas' belongings were still here. A pair of men's shoes was under the end table next to the couch, and a windbreaker was hanging over a chair in the entry by the front door. Well, House thought, she'd broken up with him less than a day ago, so it made sense that he wouldn't have had a chance to come back and get his stuff yet. House wondered for a fleeting moment where he was staying and how he was taking this. Despite those obnoxious pranks Lucas had pulled on them over at Wilson's, House actually sort of liked Lucas. He'd considered the guy a friend at one point, back when Wilson was giving him the cold shoulder, and he almost felt bad for Lucas now. Almost, but not quite.

Cuddy returned about fifteen minutes later. "She's out," Cuddy said as she joined House on the couch again. "Ready for some dinner? I can heat up the takeout I brought home."

"Come here first," House said. "Dinner can wait." He reached over and pulled her toward him, kissing her slowly and deliberately. "I've been waiting all day for that."

"Me too," Cuddy said.

"Is she likely to stay asleep now?" he asked.

"Probably. Sometimes she wakes up again after I put her down, but I usually just let her cry it out and she drops off again before long. You were good with her tonight."

"I enjoyed it, believe it or not," he said. "Don't let that get around the hospital, though, please."

"Don't worry. I have no intention of ruining your reputation as a heartless bastard. Never totally understood why you'd want that reputation, but I do know you treasure it. I also know it's all an act, an Oscar-worthy performance, by the way. Very believable, for anyone who doesn't really know you."

"And you think you really know me, huh?" he asked.

"Yes."

House shifted on the couch and started lifting his leg to put it on the coffee table, and then looked over at Cuddy. "Do you mind if I…?"

"Of course not." She watched him blow out a long breath as he settled his leg on the table. "It's still hurting a lot from yesterday, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah," he admitted. "Elevating it helps a little."

"I know."

"How do you…?"

"That nonchalant 'feet-on-the-desk' position you're in so often at work isn't just about wanting to look rebellious. It's a medical necessity."

House looked at her a bit incredulously.

"What?" Cuddy asked.

"I didn't think you were paying that much attention."

"You're kidding, right? You figured out when my periods were and when I was on fertility meds. You thought I wasn't noticing everything about you the same way you were noticing everything about me?"

"Yeah, but I can't help noticing things. It's what I do. I just never thought… I don't know. I guess I always assumed I was more interested than you were."

"Believe me. I was always interested," she said.

"You could've fooled me. I sometimes felt like you were more hostile than interested."

"Then I guess we're both pretty good actors. For a long time I knew there wasn't much chance for us - all those years you were pining for Stacy, you never seemed ready. I wasn't sure you'd ever get over her, in fact."

"Neither was I," House said. "It did take me a long time. Too long." House shrugged as if in apology.

"And then there was that whole feeling guilty thing, you know, over my part in her decision about your surgery."

"I never wanted you feeling guilty about that. It was her decision, not yours."

"Well, I did feel guilty, whether or not you wanted me to, and sometimes that made me lash out at you. I spent so many years trying to convince myself I didn't love you. What a futile effort and what a waste of time."

"You're here now," he said, leaning in for another kiss.

"Yes, I am."

"And, right now, you're making me very hungry."

"I'll put dinner on."

"No, not hungry for food. Hungry for you." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"The feeling is very mutual."

"So maybe we can have a little appetizer before dinner. Whaddaya say?"

"You sure you're up to it tonight?"

"Up to it? Well, I'm sure I can get it up, if that's what you mean."

"You're so lewd."

"And you love lewd. Come on, you know you do."

Cuddy laughed. "I was just referring to your leg. If it's still bothering you a lot, we could wait."

House shook his head. "No, we can't, because it'll always be bothering me and if you insist on waiting for a day when it isn't, then we'll never have sex again in our lives."

Cuddy still looked unsure.

"Look," House said, "there are ways to do it that I can handle, and even on a bad day, if some positions are out of the question, I can still satisfy you. Trust me – I'm **very **creative."

"I like the sound of that."

He grabbed his new cane, lifted his leg off the table, and stood up slowly, offering his other hand to Cuddy, and they went down the hall toward the master bedroom. Cuddy poked her head into the nursery on the way and then closed the door most of the way, leaving it slightly ajar. She turned back to House and whispered, "Coast is clear; she's sound asleep."

"I like the sound of that," House echoed.

They entered Cuddy's bedroom and closed the door.


	8. Chapter 8

After a memorable evening spent rediscovering each other's bodies, eating warmed-over Chinese in bed, and watching some amusingly bad TV, House and Cuddy finally dozed off. House slept better than he had the night before, and was still asleep when Cuddy's alarm went off at 5:00 am.

He woke up with a start and exclaimed, "What the hell!"

"Sorry," Cuddy said, turning off the alarm quickly. "That's not for you. Stay put, but I need to get up now."

House glanced at the clock. "Why on earth would you need to get up at this ungodly hour?"

"Rachel will be up around 6:00, and I need some quiet time to myself before then. Yoga."

"I can think of a more enticing workout, if you need some exercise." He nuzzled her neck and planted a line of kisses up from her shoulder to her ear.

"You're incorrigible," she said, but the smile in her eyes remained. "Just relax and get a little more sleep."

"Spoilsport," he said, and then waved a hand at her. "Okay, okay – go stretch. It's obviously keeping you incredibly limber, which is all to my advantage, if you know what I mean."

She kissed him and got out of bed. "Think you'll be going to work today?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I doubt anyone's found us a case, but there's a situation I need to deal with."

"What situation?" she asked.

"A Thirteen situation. Don't really know the details yet, but I'll fill you in later."

Cuddy frowned and looked a bit worried. "Alright. I'll be in the living room."

"I may get up soon anyway. Need to go home first before going to work, and watching you could be fun."

"Fun for you, maybe. Distracting for me. This is what I do to start the day relaxed, House. Don't need to hear any playful comments about 'Thelma & Louise' during it."

"Guess you heard enough of those last night, huh?"

"Don't get me wrong - I really do love that my 'girls' give you such a thrill, but my morning Yoga is off-limits. Got it?"

"Got it, boss. Have a nice stretch." He closed his eyes and tried to fall back to sleep for a while.

Five hours later, House entered his empty office. Foreman, Chase and Taub were nowhere to be found - probably all in the clinic, he figured. He saw the envelope sitting in the middle of his desk as soon as he sat down. He opened it and read a brief message.

_House,_

_I need to take a leave of absence for a while. Not sure how long it'll be._

_Thanks for everything,_

_RH_

He sat looking at the note for a long moment, rubbing his chin and trying to read between the lines. The "thanks for everything" was pretty revealing. That didn't sound like she expected to ever come back to this job; it sounded like goodbye. And the "RH" was weird. She obviously wasn't in the mood to refer to herself as "Thirteen," and he never called her "Remy," but the initials looked so serious and impersonal. He had to find her and get the full story.

Taub walked into the outer office and saw him at the desk. "Morning, House," he said. "Guess you're feeling a little better, huh?"

"I'm okay." He waved the letter, still in his hand. "Our girl's obviously not, though. She didn't say anything specific to you?"

"No, but something's definitely wrong. She just looked beaten down when she left."

House got up and started walking out. "Where are you going?" Taub asked.

"To find her."


	9. Chapter 9

House knocked on the door to Thirteen's apartment, but she didn't respond and there were no sounds from within. He knocked again. He wondered where else she might have gone. Maybe that lesbian bar they'd gone to together, though it was only 10:30 in the morning and there was no way they'd be open this early. He knocked a third time, and finally heard some shuffling of feet inside.

"Who's there?" she asked, without opening the door.

"It's House," he replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

She opened the door but didn't ask him in. He stood there, somewhat shocked by her appearance. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her hair was haphazardly pulled back into a messy ponytail. She was dressed in a pair of pull-on shorts and what looked like a pajama top.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Got your note. Thought we should talk. Can I come in?"

She didn't reply, but moved to the side a little to let him enter. The place looked as disheveled as she did. He walked in and sat on the couch. There were a few dirty dishes and a nearly empty wine bottle on the coffee table, along with an empty glass. She sat in the chair across from the couch and reached over to the bottle, pouring the small amount left into the glass and lifting it up in a toasting motion. He noticed her hand shaking as she brought the glass to her mouth.

"So," House said. "What's going on?"

"You got my note. What more is there to say?"

"Plenty. It's clear you're having some symptoms, but that doesn't mean you should just give up like this."

"I'm not giving up. I'm taking some time. I'm entitled to that."

"Yes, you are. But you're not just taking some time; you're depressed and you're a mess. Is it more than just the chorea in your hands?"

"I don't wanna talk about this."

"You have to. I need to know how bad it is. Any tremors or rigidity anywhere else?"

"A little in my legs sometimes."

"Any neurological symptoms yet? Any cognitive problems?"

"No, but it doesn't matter. It'll happen eventually, and I can't practice medicine."

"Well, you might not be able to do all the hands-on stuff you used to, but you can still think. You can still contribute to the differentials."

"That'll be impossible too, eventually."

"Right, eventually. But it can take ten years or more from the onset of symptoms before you get to that point. Why give up so soon?"

"Stop it, House. Why do you care, anyway? You always made it clear that you had no sympathy for my situation. You're the one who pushed me to find out whether or not I had Huntington's, so you have no right to judge how I deal with it now."

"That's the point. You're not dealing with it. You're succumbing to it."

"I'm dying. I don't care about the job anymore."

"We're all dying – just on varying time tables. You don't think I know what it's like to live with a disability?"

"Oh, don't you dare try to compare your situation to mine. No matter how bad your leg gets, you still have your hands. Look at this." She held her hands out in front of her, and they both trembled slightly. "I'm useless."

"I never figured you for a quitter."

"I'm not a quitter; I'm a realist. Thought you were too."

"Yeah, I'm a realist. So, realistically, what are you gonna do with the next ten years? Are you gonna sit here alone and get soused every day?"

"You're one to talk. Drinking and drugs were always your first choices to solve any problem."

"I know. But I'm trying to change that. How 'bout you?"

"Trying to change might be worthwhile when you've got time to benefit from it. For me, everything's just gonna keep getting worse and worse. What's the use of trying?"

"Have you spoken to Foreman about all this?"

"We're history. How could he help?"

"He still cares about you."

"And you'd know that how?"

"I can just tell."

"Yeah, you think you know everything about everyone, don't you? But you don't know me, and you can't help me. Leave, House. Please, just go."

"We're not done talking."

"I'm done, and I'm not listening to you anymore."

She looked near tears, and he didn't want to push it any further right now.

"Okay," he said. "I'll leave. But we're not done with this yet. Not by a long-shot."

He walked out of the door into her hallway and stopped to lean against the wall, feeling defeated.


	10. Chapter 10

After his upsetting conversation with Thirteen, House was tempted to hit a bar on the way back to work and get wasted himself. Why did this matter so much to him, he wondered. She wasn't really a friend. But he'd given her the job, over lots of other worthy candidates, even after the debacle of Stark's death (he always seemed to remember the names of patients he'd lost, and rarely those of ones he'd saved). He'd been her mentor and teacher, and she returned even after Foreman had fired her, so it was clear to him that she truly loved this job and that it meant something to her. He knew from personal experience that work could help when someone was consumed by their own physical problems. Work could be a distraction and a reason to get up in the morning, could take you out of yourself by focusing on something else. If she tried to continue with it, work could help her cope, even if she couldn't do all the things she used to do or had to reduce her hours. Getting her to see that wouldn't be easy, though, he knew. She was facing something much worse than anything he had ever faced.

He got in his car and sat there for several minutes, wondering what to do next. He had to give her some space, some time to adjust to her new reality and digest what he'd said. He drove back to the hospital and went straight to Cuddy's office. He walked in and sat across from her desk, without saying a word, and she immediately knew something was wrong. His expression looked totally different from that of the funny, sexy guy she'd woken up with that morning. In fact, it eerily reminded her of the way he'd looked after Kutner died, and she shuddered at the thought.

"I stopped by your office earlier," she said. "Taub said you went to see Thirteen. From your expression I assume you found her."

"Yeah. She's started having Huntington's symptoms, and says she's taking a leave of absence, but I doubt she intends to come back at all."

"Are the symptoms severe?"

"Not yet. But she's giving up. She's depressed."

"Who wouldn't be? Did you try to talk her into returning?"

"She wasn't listening."

"Or maybe she just wasn't ready to hear. Does she have any family or other support system around her?"

"She has a father, but she mentioned to Wilson a while back that she's never told him about her positive test for the disease. He took care of her mother for years while she was dying of it and she doesn't want him to go through that again."

"Well, he'll find out sooner or later. If she has a decent relationship with him, he has a right to know."

House shrugged and looked down at the floor.

"This is hard for you, isn't it?" she asked. "You've worked closely with her for several years now."

"Knowing intellectually that this would happen someday isn't the same as watching it start to happen. She's so young."

"I know, but you've done all you can for now." Cuddy glanced at her watch. "I have a meeting in five. Can we meet for lunch later?"

"You mean here, in the cafeteria? Won't tongues be wagging if we suddenly have lunch together?"

"Well, we could go out, but my schedule's pretty busy today." She smiled at him and laughed softly. "And I'm not gonna jump you at lunch, House. Anyone watching will only see two doctors having a workday lunch."

"Where's the fun in that?" he asked, trying to get back into his playful banter with her, even though his heart wasn't really in it.

"I'll meet you in the caf at one o'clock," she said.

He got up and walked out, going back to his office. It was empty again, and he sat at his desk and debated what to say to Foreman, Chase and Taub. They'd want to know, of course, and any or all of them could be helpful in letting her know that she wasn't alone. All three of them finally showed up around noon, after working most of the morning in the clinic.

"Did you find her?" Taub asked.

"Yes. Don't expect her back any time soon."

"How was she?" Foreman asked, looking worried.

"Not good. It's mostly limited to her hands for now, but that's enough to be devastating to her."

"She was already showing the first signs of problems with them back when she was in the trial, but it wasn't enough to affect her function," Foreman said.

"Well, now it is," House replied matter-of-factly.

"I've gotta see her," Foreman said, standing up and starting to walk out.

"Give her some time," House said. "I don't think she'd be open to anyone else going over there today."

"What did you say to her, House? Did you upset her?" Foreman asked with an accusing tone.

"She was already upset. Nothing I said made a difference."

Chase approached Foreman and put a hand on his arm. "House is right. Let her process this a little before you barge over there."

Foreman shrugged off Chase's hand and said, "I'd be crazy to take relationship advice from any of you guys. I'll be the one to decide when to see her and what to say."

Foreman walked out, and the other three watched him go and then sat at the conference room table.

"He can really be a stubborn hothead sometimes," Chase said.

House nodded, but then said, "Maybe that's what she needs now."


	11. Chapter 11

House was sitting at a corner table in the cafeteria by 1:00, waiting for Cuddy. She'd probably be a little late, he figured – she always seemed to be running herself ragged at work. It was simply a fact that she had a lot going on in her life besides him, and he might as well get used to it. She surprised him by showing up only ten minutes later.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, hurrying in with a briefcase in one hand and a tray in the other, which held a large salad and a bottle of water.

"Not very," House said, looking at his watch. "Busy morning?"

"Always." She sat down and unloaded all her gear, then took a deep breath and stretched her arms over her head.

"More yoga?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'm just releasing some tension from an annoying board meeting. How are things going with you?"

"I told the guys about Thirteen," he said. "Foreman was upset enough to chase off after her." He considered his choice of words. "Hmm – Freudian slip, I guess, since Foreman was also upset with Chase."

"Why?"

"Chase expressed an opinion, and Foreman's just bullheaded enough not to want anyone else's opinion at this point."

"Can't be easy for him," she said.

"It's not easy for any of us."

He had that desolate look in his eyes again, and she decided to try changing the subject.

"Are you free for dinner tonight?" she asked.

"For you, always. Don't you need to be home for Rachel, though?"

"I thought we could pick her up and go someplace casual, or over to your place. If we make it early enough, she'll be awake to eat and then probably fall asleep on the way home."

"Alright," he said. "But I'm okay with just hanging out at your place again, if that's easier."

She hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Actually, there's a reason I don't wanna be there tonight. Lucas is coming by to pick up some stuff. He may show up before Marina leaves, but it could take him a while to organize everything."

House stiffened slightly at the mention of Lucas. "I meant to ask last night - how's he taking this?"

"He was pretty upset and angry when I gave him back the ring. It was all so sudden. But I don't think he was totally shocked by it."

"Really?" House asked.

Cuddy nodded. "I think he always knew I had reservations. I never fully gave myself to him, you know? He was great with Rachel, and we fell into what looked like a happy domestic routine, but I don't think he was ever completely confident in how I felt about him."

"But you're okay with him being at your house alone? He can be pretty vindictive sometimes."

"You mean, do I think he'll destroy something or set the place on fire? Of course not. He may be angry, but he's not crazy."

"You know what he did over at Wilson's place, right?"

"Not completely. And did he ever actually admit to those pranks?"

"You really don't know, do you?"

"What are you talking about?"

House debated whether or not to tell her the details of this, but for her own safety he figured she needed to know.

"Yes, he admitted to all of it, right after he tripped me in the cafeteria."

This was news to Cuddy. "He tripped you? You're kidding, right?"

"Unfortunately, no. This was after he let a possum into Wilson's bathroom, loosened the grab rail by the tub so I'd fall, and somehow set off the fire sprinklers, soaking the place and causing thousands of dollars worth of damage."

Cuddy looked stunned. "Why didn't you ever tell me this before?"

"Wilson and I felt a little guilty, you know, for the way he outbid you on the condo. Plus, I thought you'd assume I was making it all up."

"God," she said, suddenly feeling not just disgusted but nearly nauseous. "I can't believe this."

"I'm sorry, but it's true," he said.

"Of course. Of course it's true. But I'm the one who should be apologizing. Were you hurt when you fell in the tub or here in the caf?"

"Just a small cut on my face, and wounded pride."

"He was lucky. You could've been seriously injured." She looked at him and her face fell. "Of course, you also could've been seriously injured by that stupid tripwire. I'm still so ashamed of that. I've been so childish and petty sometimes."

"I drove you to it."

"No, there's no excuse for it, and there's certainly no excuse for what he did. You're right, I shouldn't let him be in the house alone, and I should take my key back as soon as he's gotten all his belongings."

House chuckled, and she looked at him with amazement. "What?" she asked.

"I don't think he needs a key to get in anywhere. He's a detective, remember?"

Cuddy looked even more worried by that thought.

"Do you want me to come over and be there with you while he's there tonight?" he asked.

"That's not a bad idea, though it may make him even angrier."

"It might be better to just have it out with him, though. Clear the air. I have a history with him, and I think he'll back down if I'm there."

"You don't think it'll humiliate him?"

"How's this – I won't confront him. I'll just be there, maybe listening from Rachel's bedroom, in case you need me."

"Sounds like a plan," she said.


	12. Chapter 12

House and Cuddy made sure to leave work early enough to get to Cuddy's place before Lucas arrived. Cuddy asked Marina to take the baby for a long walk. Not only didn't she want Rachel exposed to any arguments that might break out, she didn't want Rachel seeing Lucas at all, as it would only further confuse her.

Cuddy started emptying Lucas' clothes out of the closet and looking around for his other possessions - she wanted his stay to be as brief as possible. There was nothing in Rachel's room that he'd need to take, so House figured he could hide out in there with the door closed, and still hear a conversation in the living room.

Lucas knocked on the door; a good sign, Cuddy thought – even though he still had a key, he didn't just let himself in. She opened the door and he seemed shocked that she was there.

"Hi," he said. "I'm surprised to see you. Thought only Marina and Rachel would be here. You're usually still at work at this hour."

"Yeah, but I thought you could use some help packing everything up."

"How civil. That's more than I expected." He walked in and looked around. "Where's Rachel? I was hoping to see her."

"Marina took her for a walk."

"I really miss her. It's only been a couple of days, but I was looking forward to seeing her."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Lucas."

"Why? She loves me, even if you don't."

"It will only confuse her."

Lucas started getting a little agitated. "You think she'll ever love House the way she loves me?" he asked. "If so, you're deluding yourself. He'll never have the patience to deal with a kid. Speaking of which, he'll probably never have the patience to deal with you, either. I give it a month, and then you'll come running back to me."

"Lucas, please don't do this. Just start getting your stuff together."

He ignored her and kept talking. "I still don't get it – what exactly did he tell you to convince you to break it off with me?"

"Nothing. In fact, he was ready to accept us as a couple and leave us alone."

"I don't believe that."

"It's true."

"He would never do that. He's been trying to break us up ever since we got together."

Cuddy walked over to the bookshelf and brought over her grandfather's book to show him House's inscription. "Look," she said. "He gave me this as a housewarming present before he even knew we'd gotten engaged. The note is directed to both of us."

Lucas read House's note and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Okay, so maybe he was finally accepting it. We've been waiting for that for months, and you pick that moment to give up on me and decide you're in love with him?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. I've been in love with him for a long time; I just wasn't willing to give it a chance."

"And now you are? He's no different than he ever was. Once an addict, always an addict."

"He's been off narcotics for a whole year."

"And what about the booze? He was tanked that night he broke into my apartment, and I've seen him drinking since then."

Cuddy looked disturbed by this, but composed herself quickly and said, "Whatever problems he still has, he's working on them. But I love him just the way he is. Can't you please try to accept that and get on with your life?"

"Just the way he is. That's rich. He's a miserable old cripple who spent all of last summer in a mental hospital and has no idea how to make a woman happy."

Cuddy was getting mad now. "And what about you, Lucas? What about the things you did to him and to Wilson?"

"What did he tell you?"

"Everything, and Wilson confirmed it this afternoon, so don't try to deny it."

Lucas shrugged. "They had it coming. I was just trying to protect you, Lisa."

"That's bull. You were just trying to scare them off, and I give them credit for keeping it to themselves, even though now I wish they'd told me about it sooner."

Lucas sheepishly approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Okay, I admit maybe I went a little too far. But I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?" He leaned in a little and tried to kiss her.

She tried to back away, but he held on. "Lucas, stop it. Let go of me."

House opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "Let her go," he said forcefully.

Lucas backed away from Cuddy and stared at House. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yeah," he said. "The miserable old cripple heard every word."

"House, look, I… " Lucas stammered.

"Would you believe there was actually a time when I thought we could be friends? Guess I was desperate when Wilson wasn't around. Your piano-playing was pretty impressive, though. Here's a friendly little tip for the future – when a woman says she doesn't love you, take it like a man and leave with some dignity. You're a fairly smart guy, and groveling like this is beneath you."

Lucas laughed nervously. "And you'd know about dignity? Mr. 'Let's get some hookers and party all night'?"

House wouldn't take the bait, and just stared him down for several long moments with a determined glare.

"What? No witty comeback?" Lucas asked.

"You can leave now," House said. "And there's no need to come back; we'll pack up all your stuff and ship it to wherever you want. Leave your key on the way out, and if Marina or either of us ever sees you near this house again, we'll call the cops and get a restraining order."

"It doesn't have to be like this," he said to Cuddy. "I'm not the monster he's making me out to be."

"Then prove it. Just leave, please," Cuddy said.

Lucas turned to go, taking a key out of his pocket, holding it up for both of them to see, and putting it on a desk by the front door before walking out.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as Lucas left, Cuddy went over to House and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," she said. "Do you think he'll be back?"

"I doubt it. He'll be mad for a while, but he's not a psychopath, and he's not violent. He just loves you, and he needs time to get over it."

"I think you said exactly the right thing to him."

"Time will tell," House said.

They kissed and then walked over to the couch and sat down. House looked at her and then averted his eyes, seeming ashamed.

"About some of the things he said," House began.

Cuddy cut him off. "No, we don't have to talk about any of that right now."

"Yes, we do. If we're gonna be together, there are some things you need to know."

"Okay," she said. "Go on."

"He was right about one thing, at least. I have been drinking too much lately. When I first came back from Mayfield, I stayed away from it for quite a while, but then…"

"Why?" she asked softly.

"I know it's no excuse, but it helps with the pain. On bad days the ibuprofen barely puts a dent in it, and sometimes I'd just have one drink to numb out a little, you know? Then one drink turned into two and three and four, and I just didn't stop. Didn't wanna stop, until I was so numb I could barely feel anything, including my leg. It's gotten out of hand lately."

"Have you spoken to Nolan about it?"

"That's the other thing you should know. I kind of gave up on Nolan."

"When?"

"Just last week. I decided he wasn't helping me anymore."

"But Wilson told me that you really liked him, that you respected him and thought he'd done a lot for you."

"He did. It helped to talk to him in the beginning, but lately, I don't know. Maybe as I was drinking more I wasn't being totally honest with him, and he sensed that and got frustrated with me."

"You could find another therapist, if you think that would be better."

"No, I can't start over with someone else. He knows me so well, maybe too well. That might be why I pulled back - it's a little disconcerting to have someone know me that well. Maybe I'll give him another try. With a little more honesty on my part, it could work."

"You could also try AA."

House shook his head. "Sorry, but no. That's not for me."

"Why?"

"Too much God stuff. You know me – I get so turned off by all of that. And the group thing never seems to work for me."

"Okay, but I do think going back to Nolan could help. And we can reconsider your pain management, too. There are stronger non-narcotics you could try. In fact, I'm surprised Nolan didn't suggest them."

"He did, in fact, but I wanted to try just the IB for a while."

"Why? I mean, if it's not helping enough..."

"It's all a slippery slope, Cuddy, and there aren't really a lot of good options for me, either narcotic or non. I gave up on the methadone because I felt like it was affecting my thinking."

"And your breathing," Cuddy added, remembering all too clearly another horrible moment when she feared losing him.

"Right, and anything with acetaminophen will probably damage my liver eventually, after all the years on Vicodin, so all the combination drugs including that are out."

"What about tramadol?"

"I don't think it would help much more than the IB, and it can be addictive in people prone to addiction, which certainly describes me."

"Are you still on the anti-depressants?"

"No, I went off them a few months ago."

"Maybe you should start them again. They can help with pain as well as mood."

"I'll think about it."

"What else helps? I mean, apart from drugs and alcohol?"

"Hot soaks, massage, elevation, distraction."

"Then you should do more of all of that, routinely." She grinned at him and blushed slightly. "I'm not a bad masseuse, by the way, and I can certainly help with distraction."

"No doubt about that," he said.

"And what about e-stim, or a TENS unit?"

"Haven't tried them lately."

"Maybe you should. We'll find something. Between the two of us, we'll work on it and find something. You shouldn't have to suffer on just IB."

"Everything's a trade-off, though, and you shouldn't expect that anything will magically work without side effects or downsides. I accepted that reality a long time ago."

"I know, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying to find some combination of things that can improve your situation, even if only a little."

"Well, one good thing - I haven't had a drink now since…"

"Since when?"

He thought about it. "Since the day before the crane collapse. Four whole days ago. Big accomplishment, huh?" he said dismissively.

"It is a big accomplishment. I know it's a cliché, but one day at a time is all you should be focusing on. Why did you stop?"

"Isn't it obvious? You. I didn't wanna screw this up before it even got started."

She took his face in her hands. "Look at me, Greg, and listen to this carefully. I love you, whether or not you 'screw up.' It's great that being with me has given you the strength to try to stop drinking, but I'm not leaving, no matter what happens. You understand that?"

He looked at her skeptically, and sighed. "You say that now, but…"

"I'll keep saying it over and over until you believe it."

"So now I'm Greg, huh?" he asked.

"Only when I say I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

House and Cuddy again spent the night together, with a new sense of closeness. To House, telling her about the drinking was like letting go of a huge weight. He was almost grateful for Lucas' big mouth; it had forced him to tell her the truth, long before he otherwise would have, and her loving response to it was like a lifejacket thrown to a drowning man. House was used to dealing with things on his own. Even though Wilson was a great friend, and had been there for him through a lot of hard times, this was different - the strangely alien feeling that someone else was totally on his side. But he continued to wonder – could it last? Could he stay sober, and, if he couldn't, would she stick it out with him anyway?

On Friday morning, Cuddy again woke at 5:00, but this time set her alarm at a low volume, and House didn't even hear it. By the time she did her yoga and returned to the bedroom, though, he was awake. Rachel would be up soon too, but Cuddy got back in bed and snuggled next to him.

"You're all sweaty," he said, with mock annoyance.

"You should talk. Last night you nearly could've irrigated my flower garden with the amount of liquid coming out of your pores," she teased.

"It was hot," he said.

"Yeah, but you were hotter," she replied, licking her lips and grinning at him. Her face was flushed, and damp curly tendrils of hair framed it.

He smiled back and kissed her, then rolled over to get out of bed and felt his leg cramp up.

"Damn," he said under his breath.

"Is it bad this morning?" she asked.

"Every damn morning. You'd think being prone all night would help, but it never seems to. Mornings are the worst."

"Would you like a massage?"

"You don't have to. It'll ease up as soon as I walk around a little and take a hot shower."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. Routine, remember? If something helps, you should make it routine, not just a treat you give yourself every once in a long while."

He hesitated, but then said, "Okay, thanks." He glanced at the clock. "Maybe just a quick one. Rachel will be up soon."

She pulled the covers back and started massaging his thigh, just next to and then into the large scar. He hissed, and she said, "Tell me if it's too much or too little."

"No, it's good just the way you're doing it."

She could feel the tight muscles under her fingers, and gently but firmly kneaded them. She really was quite good at this, House thought, as he relaxed into it.

After several minutes, he said, "That's better, but could you do just a little more, further up, by the hip?"

"You mean, above the scar?"

"Yeah."

"That's also been painful lately?"

He nodded. "It's not just the damaged quad muscles that spasm. It goes up into the hip and back sometimes too."

She looked concerned by this new piece of information. "What do you think that's from?"

He shrugged. "Probably just from walking with a screwed-up, lopsided gait for the past ten years. Could also be referred pain from the nerve damage in the leg."

"Maybe you should get it checked out. Get a new MRI."

"No, that's not necessary," he quickly answered.

"But if something's different, we should find out what's causing it."

"I don't want to."

"Why? Are you afraid of finding out that something new might be wrong?"

"No, I just … Can we please drop this subject now?" he asked, slightly exasperated with her.

She silently started massaging his hip, as he turned his face away from her and draped an arm over his eyes.

A few minutes later they heard Rachel begin to make soft waking-up sounds through the baby monitor. Not out and out crying yet, but getting close.

"You should go get her," House said.

"She can wait a couple more minutes. Are you feeling any better now?"

"Yeah, it's okay. Thanks a lot. Go deal with Rachel."

Cuddy left the room and House slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. He realized that, despite the events of last night, honesty was still a big challenge for him. He hated complaining and hated being the object of pity, but being open with people always made him feel that way - hence all the deflecting when he was with Wilson, and the hard-ass persona he adopted with his team. Did he really want Cuddy knowing all the details of his myriad aches and pains? He remembered that day she'd walked in on the massage he was getting in the office, and realized from her comment (_"She's not massaging your leg") _that she'd probably never considered the effects of a decade of cane use on the rest of his body, like the chronically sore right shoulder from bearing so much weight, or the way his neck on that side was often affected as well. He'd vowed to be more open with her, though, and also to be more honest with Nolan. Every instinct he had told him it was better to close down and maintain his privacy, but here she was, wanting to help and expecting him to tell her everything. He couldn't help thinking – what had he gotten himself into?


	15. Chapter 15

When House arrived at work that Friday morning, Chase had found them a new case, but only he and Taub were present at the conference table, perusing the file. Just as the three of them had finished up an initial differential and Chase and Taub had left to run some tests on the patient, Foreman showed up, looking haggard.

"Look who the cat dragged in," House said.

"I don't need your sarcasm, today, House," Foreman replied.

"I assume you spoke to Thirteen. Your even-more-dour-than-usual expression tells me that didn't go so well."

"She didn't wanna hear anything I had to say."

"Told you."

"It's depressing as hell to see her like that. She was so spunky and full of life before."

"What did you expect? Knowing that someday she would start having symptoms is vastly different from actually beginning to experience them."

"Yeah. She also doesn't believe that I still care about her. Thinks I was just going over there out of guilt or a sense of duty."

"Do you? Still care about her, I mean."

"What do you think, genius?" Foreman angrily asked.

"Well, no one needs to be a genius to realize that you do. It's obvious. Just wanted to hear you admit it."

"Yes, of course. But she doesn't want me. She doesn't want anyone. I tried to convince her to tell her father about it, at least, but she refuses to. It's just crazy. He should know."

"She watched him take care of her mother for years, and saw what it did to him. It's not like she can keep it from him forever, though, unless she intends on never seeing him again. The chorea in her hands would be obvious to anyone after spending just a little while with her, especially someone like him who knows perfectly well what it means."

"Maybe I should call him myself," Foreman said.

"No, don't do that. Leave it up to her."

"But he has a right to know."

"And only she has the right to tell him, in her own time."

"Didn't think you'd give a crap about her rights in a situation like this. You're usually just itching to stick your nose into other people's business, like with Taub's wife."

"Messing with Taub is fun. This is different."

"Why?"

"Because it's about her own physical health, not the health of a dubious marital relationship."

Foreman looked at House and narrowed his eyes, as if trying to figure out a mystery. "Did someone slip something into your coffee this morning?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You're mellow. Giving her more slack than you usually would."

"Don't be ridiculous." He held up his red mug. "It's black, just like you."

"Cute. Fake racism to go along with fake snarkiness. You can't fool me, House. Something's different. You almost seem … sort of happy."

"Why would I be happy?" he snapped. Waving his hand toward the door, he then said, "Go – you need to have Chase and Taub bring you up to speed on our new patient."

Foreman walked out, and House leaned back in his chair and stroked his chin. If Foreman was picking up on something, he'd have to be more careful from now on. He didn't want the whole hospital knowing about his relationship with Cuddy, at least not yet, and if the team figured it out, there would be no chance to keep it quiet much longer.

Wilson poked his head into House's office around noon. "Free for lunch?" he asked.

"Sure," House replied, lifting his legs off the desk and getting up. They headed to the cafeteria, and sat at their usual table.

"So, how's it going?" Wilson asked.

"So far, so good. I haven't driven her away yet. But it's only been three days, so…"

"Wow, nothing like starting a relationship with such optimism," Wilson sarcastically replied. "Did you see her last night?"

"Yes, and Lucas."

"Why was he around?"

"Came by to pick up some of his things, but all he did was trash me and try to put the moves on her."

"If you knew he was coming, why were you even there?"

"Thought she might need some protection."

Wilson nodded. "Yeah, good idea. There's no telling what that guy is capable of."

"I don't think he'll bother us again."

"Really? What'd you say to him?"

"I just made it clear that we'd be watching for him, and implied that he'd be a weak excuse for a man if he kept pursuing a woman that didn't want him around."

"Well, just in case, I hope she has a good security system."

"She does. By the way, are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

"Sam made dinner reservations, but yeah, early afternoon would be fine. What's up?"

"I need a ride to Trenton to pick up my bike. The cops have been holding it for me since Tuesday night."

"Sure. We haven't done anything together in a while, and in the privacy of my car we can have a more detailed discussion of life with Cuddy, if you know what I mean."

"Only if you give me details of life with Sam." He thought about that for a moment and shook his head. "Then again, not sure I really want those details."

"It'll be fun. Sam and I could use a break from each other."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"No, it's just … I kind of miss you sometimes, believe it or not."

"Why Jimmy – thought you couldn't wait to get rid of me."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Wilson joked. "I'll pick you up around 1:00. Does that work?"

"Yeah."

"Will you be at your place or at Cuddy's?"

"Good question. I'll let you know."


	16. Chapter 16

For a change of pace (and maybe to prove to him that she could be flexible, even with a child), Cuddy suggested that they spend Friday night at House's place rather than at her house again. She went home after work and got ready while Marina fed Rachel. She wasn't used to taking Rachel out at night (or all night, if it came to that), and had a hard time figuring out everything she'd need. There was of course the diaper bag, but she'd also need to take some toys and the Pack 'n Play, since House had nowhere for her to sleep without it. And then there were a couple of changes of clothes, a blanket, her favorite stuffed animal, her favorite snacks, etc., etc. No wonder it was easier to stay home, she thought. But she didn't want him feeling that any time they wanted to be together it had to happen at her place, and a Friday night was the perfect time to experiment, since her morning routine wouldn't be so rushed.

It took her several trips to the car to load up everything, and she was finally ready, strapping Rachel into her car seat as Marina waved goodbye through the window. Since House lived on a fairly busy street with no driveways or garages, the closest parking spot she could find was halfway down the block. She took Rachel and two bags on the first trip, and knocked on House's door.

"Hi, Cuddly," he said, as he opened the door and leaned in for a kiss.

She kissed him quickly and then breathlessly said, "I have to make at least two more trips to the car. Can you watch her for a few minutes?"

"Hey, slow down. I can get whatever's left in the car."

"No, it's a big thing for her to sleep in – takes two hands to carry it."

"Okay. But take your time. There's no rush."

She turned to leave and then looked back at Rachel. "Stay here, honey. Mommy will be right back."

"Mommy," Rachel said, getting upset as Cuddy walked out the door.

"Rachel," House said to her, "It's okay – Mommy will be back in a minute."

Rachel looked at him and scowled, on the verge of tears.

"Come on, kid, you know me by now. You've seen me the last two mornings and nights. What's my name? Mommy's told you my name several times. Let's see if you're really as smart as she thinks you are."

"Doc?" Rachel asked.

"Close enough. Don't want you confusing me with that weasel you've been calling Dada."

Rachel walked a little further into the apartment and looked around. It was a man's home, and she saw nothing that caught her attention. He took her hand and led her to the leather couch, lifting her up and planting her in one corner of it.

"So, how was your day?" he asked.

Rachel looked at him and then pointed to the door.

"Mommy," she said.

"She'll be right back," he repeated. Jeez, she was insistent. "What can I get for you to play with?" House asked. He looked around the room. Medical journals and books, his model of the human brain – there was nothing remotely entertaining for an 18-month-old girl.

A couple minutes later Cuddy entered again, hauling the Pack 'n Play, and dropped it right inside the door.

"One more trip," she said.

"Where are you parked?"

"Down the block," she said as she left again.

"Mommy," Rachel said again.

"She'll be right back." House was starting to feel like a broken record. He looked around again. The piano. Ah, the piano. He walked over to it, sat on the bench, and started to play a bluesy improv. She immediately slid off the couch and came over to him, curious about where the sound was coming from. She watched his hands flying over the keys and giggled in delight.

"Cool, huh?" he said. "Music."

She reached a hand up and pressed several keys down with her palm. "Music," she said.

"Yeah. It's the best thing on earth."

He kept playing and she kept watching, enthralled.

Cuddy returned a few minutes later with the last of her bags. She walked in and collapsed on the couch, as Rachel came over to her.

House kept playing, but looked at her, shaking his head. "It's one night, Cuddy – you didn't need to bring so much stuff."

"Kids come with a lot of gear, House. Believe me, I would've loved to make it less, but there was no way."

"You look exhausted already, and it's only seven o'clock."

"I could use a nice glass of wine," she said, and then immediately regretted it. "Why did I say that? I'm sorry."

He got up from the piano and came over to her. "Don't," he said. "Don't apologize. You should be able to have a glass of wine if you want one. Unfortunately, there's no booze of any kind in my apartment right now. I poured it all down the drain."

"When?"

"Wednesday afternoon."

"Wow. Good for you." She kissed him again and they both settled on the couch. "I don't need any wine; I just need you."

Rachel pushed her way in between them and pointed to the piano. "Mommy – music."

"Yes, Rachel. That's a piano. Doctor House is a wonderful musician."

"Doc," Rachel said.

Cuddy laughed at her and then said to House, "She's heard a lot of music on the baby CDs I have, but I don't think she's ever seen someone actually playing a piano before."

"She was pretty mesmerized by it."

"Good idea," Cuddy said.

"I couldn't find anything else to distract her with."

"Well, you may have created a monster. She's just tall enough to reach up and pound on it, and I doubt either of us, or your neighbors, for that matter, will want to hear that all night."

"I can always close it – I doubt she'd be able to figure out how to open it once the keys are covered."

"Play some more for us, please," Cuddy said.

"Any requests?"

"I don't know. Something calming, relaxing, beautiful."

He sat down and started playing Chopin's Prelude in E minor, a simple yet hauntingly beautiful melody. Cuddy could feel the tension of the day leaving her body as he played, and Rachel seemed transfixed by it as well.

"That's gorgeous," Cuddy said when he stopped playing. "Gorgeous but quite melancholy."

"Yeah."

"Any word from Thirteen today?" she asked.

"Nope. Foreman saw her yesterday, but he was pretty discouraged when he came in this morning."

Cuddy shook her head. "What a horrible thing for a young woman to have to face. Did you know about the Huntington's before you hired her, House?"

"I knew her mother had it. She wouldn't get herself tested, but I knew she had a 50/50 chance of testing positive."

"And yet you still hired her."

"She's a good doctor."

"I know, but I can't help thinking that you…"

"What?"

"You wanted to give her a chance to do important work, fulfilling work, because you knew it might be her only opportunity for a job like that. Even though you had other good candidates to pick from, you wouldn't give up on her."

"For all it was worth. She's giving up on herself now."

"Still – you gave her a lot; she's been here almost three years now."

He sighed and dropped his head, looking down at the piano keys. "Enough minor chords for tonight," he said, as he started playing again, this time a Bach prelude and fugue that was much more upbeat than the Chopin.

Rachel ran over to the piano, watching his long fingers move intricately up and down the keyboard. She beamed at him, and her innocent smile lit up the room.


	17. Chapter 17

Rachel took longer than usual to fall asleep on Friday night, as she wasn't used to the new surroundings, but she finally nodded off, and House and Cuddy had a relaxing evening. They slept in (which for Cuddy meant getting up with Rachel at 6:00 instead of at 5:00), and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast together, with House's culinary skills on full display. Rachel especially liked the blueberry pancakes. Cuddy and Rachel went home in the late morning, and House called the hospital to check on his patient, who was stable for now, though they still hadn't confirmed an exact diagnosis.

In the early afternoon, Wilson came by to pick up House for the drive to Trenton. He walked in and laughed at the state of House's apartment.

"This is a new look," he said.

Cuddy had left a couple of Rachel's toys behind, as well as the Pack 'n Play, figuring it would make it easier the next time they wanted to come over, and there were also several sheets of paper with crayon scribbles lying on the coffee table and the floor, and a general dishevelment of the whole place.

"Don't give me any grief over it, Wilson. A kid needs a place to sleep."

"Of course." Wilson smiled. "So they were here last night. How did that go?"

"It went fine. Cuddy was a little overwhelmed when she first got here, but she calmed down."

House limped over to the Pack 'n Play and tried to fold it up. "Can you help me collapse this thing and store it somewhere?" he asked.

After wrestling the portable bed into submission, they finally hit the road. It was usually a quick 20-minute drive from Princeton to Trenton, but the traffic on the Brunswick Pike was backed up for some reason, and they crawled along, making slow progress.

"So, four days and counting," Wilson said. "Things seem good between you two."

"They are, but … can I ask you something, Wilson?"

"Shoot."

"Do you tell Sam everything?"

"What do you mean by everything? I tell her a lot."

"Like, for instance, how much have you told her about Danny?"

"Just the fact that he turned up last year and is still in that facility up in New York State."

"But not every detail, right? Like all the stuff you went through during the years he was missing, or your guilt about hanging up the phone on him during med school."

"No, not every detail."

"Even though she was actually with you when some of that was happening?"

"What are you getting at, House?"

"I'm not used to someone wanting to know everything."

"So what is it you don't wanna share with her?"

"Lots of stuff."

"Obviously not things you wanna share with me either."

"You know me, Wilson, as well as anyone does. There are just things I'd rather not dwell on with her."

"So don't."

"But where do I draw the line?"

"That's totally up to you. By the way, have you spoken to her about when to make your relationship public, because this secret-keeping is starting to drive me a little crazy."

"No, we haven't even mentioned it, so you've gotta keep it quiet, please. I don't even know if she'll ever wanna make it public. It would put her in an awkward position at the hospital, especially with the board. In any event, it's way too soon."

"Okay, but I don't think you're giving her enough credit. She does love you, you know."

"Yeah. Pretty amazing, huh?"

"Maybe the four of us can double-date sometime."

"God, when's the last time we did that? We haven't both been in a relationship at the same time for, what, over ten years?"

Wilson thought about it. "I think it was 1999 – me and Bonnie and you and Stacy. Remember those dinners?"

"How can I forget? Bonnie and Stacy tried to get along, but they really didn't have much in common, did they?"

"Uh, no. Stacy was such a successful, driven career woman, and I think Bonnie felt pretty intimidated by her. Bonnie's biggest accomplishments back then were her vegetable garden and ironing my shirts perfectly. At least Cuddy and Sam are both doctors – maybe they could be friends."

"Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to make this work between the two of us."

"And Rachel. Being a father – that's sure something new for you, huh?"

"She'd started calling Lucas 'Dada.' Right now she probably just thinks of me as Mommy's piano-playing friend."

"It takes time, House. You'll be good at it in the long run. You have a way with kids."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, really."

"She is cute, and funny, and pretty well-behaved for her age."

"Are there any residual issues from the prematurity or the circumstances of her birth?"

"No, not really. Maybe she's a little behind with speech, but she's doing well, all things considered. Cuddy's a good mom."

"Did you ever think you'd say that about her? The grief you gave her when she was first thinking of adopting – what was that about, anyway?"

"Abject fear."

"Of what?"

"Of exactly what happened – that she'd decide having a kid meant she needed to find a stable, appropriate father figure, and she'd therefore never give me a chance, because I didn't fit her vision."

"If that's what she was looking for, Lucas was a pretty strange choice."

"Well, he wasn't a gimpy, middle-aged, drug-addicted psychiatric patient. That's when she first started seeing him – when I was at Mayfield."

"That was a really hard time for her, House."

"It was no picnic for me either."

"I know, but I'm not surprised she was looking anywhere she could for companionship. It really upset her to think you might not recover, or, even if you did, might not come back to work. She was as scared as you were."

"You know, the first night we were together, she apologized for the way she treated me when I came home from Mayfield. At the time I thought she'd totally given up on me, but it turns out she really was just scared."

"Well, she came around. Better late than never," Wilson said.

The traffic had cleared and they were now nearing the Trenton police station, which was a few blocks away from where the crane had collapsed. Being in this neighborhood reminded House of that whole horrible night, and Hannah, and how it had brought Cuddy to him.

"Wow," Wilson said, slowing to a stop as they passed the site of the collapse. "What an incredible mess! You actually crawled around down there?"

"Repeatedly," House answered.

"No wonder Cuddy was impressed."

"For all the good it did. The patient died." House could vividly picture Hannah's face in those last minutes - looking to him for a solution which he couldn't provide. He turned his head away from the site and looked in the opposite direction. "Let's get out of here and go get my bike."


	18. Chapter 18

After House rode his bike home from Trenton, and Wilson went back to the condo to meet up with Sam, House was paged to the hospital, as his patient had taken a turn for the worse. He and the guys worked through the late afternoon and evening on Saturday, trying to figure it out, and House and Chase both had the same epiphany around 11:00 pm. Foreman had been late answering the page, which was very unlike him, and seemed disconnected from the case, not contributing much. His mind was obviously on other things.

Since it was such a late night at work, House went back to his own apartment, the first night he hadn't spent with Cuddy since the crane collapse. It was good to have some privacy for a change, but he was surprised by how much he missed her being next to him in bed, and when he woke up on Sunday he also missed her skillful massage, which she'd provided the last two mornings. It was somewhat shocking to him how just a few days together had changed his routine so much.

Cuddy called in the early afternoon on Sunday and invited him over for a barbeque, as it was a warm and glorious day in late May. He arrived around 4:00 pm and she greeted him at the door with a mysterious smile.

"Come on in," she said. "I have a surprise for you."

He looked around the room and didn't see anything unusual.

"Where's Rachel?"

"Napping. She'll be up soon, though. How's your patient doing?"

"He's starting to improve. Did you hear about what happened with Chase?"

"No."

"He and I separately figured it out last night, within ten minutes of each other. I can't remember that ever happening before in quite the same way. It was a little freaky."

"Great minds think alike," she said.

"He really was being wasted in surgery. The guy's a helluva diagnostician."

"Well, he's also a great surgeon, but I'm glad he's back with you. It's what he wanted."

House nodded. "So where's the surprise? And why am I getting a surprise?"

"Call it a birthday present."

"My birthday's not until June."

"So it's a little early." She took his arm and led him towards the back of the living room. "Come on. It's in the backyard."

They walked out onto a large deck, filled with garden furniture and flower pots.

"I don't see anything."

"Look down, to the right."

House walked over to the right side of the deck and glanced over the railing. A brand new hot tub, large enough for several people, was sitting on a concrete base on the lawn.

"What the … When did you do this?"

"I ordered it on Friday, and they installed it yesterday."

"Wow, you work fast. I don't know what to say. You're incredible." He leaned in to kiss her.

"We can try it out tonight."

"I didn't bring a swimsuit."

"House, look at my yard. You don't need a suit."

Cuddy was right. There were numerous huge old trees separating her property from the neighbors, and no one would see them in a spa located right next to the deck.

"You really want me to spend a lot of time over here, don't you?" he asked.

"As much as you want. I just thought - summer's starting, and why not get it now so we can both enjoy it all summer?"

"I know why you got it. And thank you, so much. This'll be great – way better than Wilson's tub, which he was always telling me to stay out of, by the way."

"Didn't he realize that it helped?"

"I guess. He's just a neat freak and a bit of a germophobe, but he did loosen up about it after a while."

They sat on the chairs around a table on the deck, and House looked around the large yard.

"It's beautiful back here," he said.

"Yeah. This is what really sold me on the place. I always wanted a big lush yard with lots of privacy." She pointed to a spot along one side. "That's where I'm planning a vegetable garden."

House laughed.

"What's so funny?" Cuddy asked.

"Just something Wilson said yesterday about one of his ex-wives." He shook his head. "Nothing important. So, you're a pretty strict vegetarian, huh?"

"Well, not completely. I do love cheese and some other dairy, so haven't totally given that up yet."

"But no meat, fish or poultry, ever?"

"No. Don't worry, though – I won't try to convert you."

"You couldn't even if you wanted to. So what are you barbequing tonight? Tofu?"

"For me – Portobello mushrooms, bell peppers, zucchini, and tomatoes. I also bought some ground beef for hamburgers, though, if you want them."

"I want them."

"I figured as much."

Through the open sliding doors, they could hear Rachel waking up, and Cuddy got up to get her.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and do some prep work in the kitchen?" she asked. "Then you can get the barbeque going."

"Putting me to work on a Sunday, after I worked most of Saturday?" he whined. "Jeez, you're one tough boss."

"Well, you've gotta do something to earn that hot tub," she teased.

"Anything you need, slave driver," he said. "It'll be worth it."

"I hope so."


	19. Chapter 19

Everything always seems to taste better when it's grilled outdoors, and House, Cuddy and Rachel thoroughly enjoyed their dinner. House even tried Cuddy's Portobello-on-a-bun faux burger, and liked it, though he still preferred the beef. After dinner Rachel started playing with a big red plastic ball in the yard, and kept bringing it to House, who'd throw it back out into the yard for her. He also entertained her by juggling a few smaller balls he found in a basket of toys on the deck, and he'd deliberately miss every once in a while, making her run after them excitedly. She was wearing herself out pretty quickly, and started flagging around 7:45, finally returning to sit on Cuddy's lap and lean against her.

"You've had a busy day, honey," Cuddy said, gently sweeping Rachel's dark brown bangs off her damp forehead. "Getting sleepy?"

Rachel shook her head, but her drooping eyelids made it clear she couldn't hold out much longer. She looked over at House, who was still tossing one of the smaller balls back and forth from hand to hand.

"Juggle," Rachel said.

"He's done enough juggling for today," Cuddy told her. "Let's give him a break now, honey."

"I'll teach you how to juggle someday, when you're bigger," he said, tossing the ball back into the basket. He stretched in his chair and put both feet up on the deck railing, glancing down at the spa. Cuddy watched him and could tell that he was hurting and seemed ready to give the tub a try.

"You should go try it out," she said. "I'll put her down and come join you in a little while."

Cuddy got up and brought Rachel over to House. He gave her a hug and kissed her forehead, and she said "Night night, Doc."

"Night, sweet pea. Happy dreams," he said.

Cuddy carried her inside and House stood slowly and then paced back and forth on the deck, trying to work out some of the cramping and stiffness. He finally went inside and undressed in the master bathroom, wrapping a towel around his waist. He went back out onto the deck and down to the spa, removing its cover and turning it on. He waited a couple of minutes for it to get hot, and then leaned his cane against the side by the steps and left the towel there, grabbing the edge of the spa to go up the couple of steps. He eased himself into the steaming water and settled onto one of the benches. The jets were powerful, and felt absolutely wonderful. After a few more minutes, Cuddy came out into the yard, leaving the sliding door open but closing the screen, so she could hear Rachel if she woke up.

"God, this is heaven," House said.

Cuddy removed a terry cloth robe, revealing a bikini, and House said, "I thought we agreed we didn't need bathing suits."

"Well, you don't, but I do," Cuddy answered. "Isn't this skimpy enough for you?" She posed for him in her tiny suit, and he eyed her toned body with admiration.

"It's fetchingly skimpy." He motioned for her to come over. "Come here."

Cuddy entered the spa and sat across from him.

"Ahh," she said. "This feels fabulous."

"This is the best gift I've ever been given in my life," he said, moving sideways in the seat a little to let the jets hit his thigh and hip directly. He whistled out a long breath and leaned his head back.

"I can adjust the setting, if it's too strong," she said.

"No, it's perfect. I could stay in here all night."

"But then I'd miss you in bed."

"Yeah. I missed you last night."

"Me too."

"And this morning. Do you think we should do something about that?"

"Like what?" she asked.

"Stacy moved in with me a week after our first date."

"I'm not Stacy."

"I know. And I know you'll never wanna move in with me. My place is a bachelor apartment, and this house is great for a kid."

"Let's just take this one step at a time, okay? Things are going really well, and you're welcome over here whenever you want, but I think it's good for you to have your own place to escape to."

"How did you know I was thinking the exact same thing?"

"Because you're a creature of habit, and I get that you need your privacy sometimes."

"You really do know me, don't you?"

"Up to a point. But I also know there's a lot you've kept hidden all these years, and I'd love to know more, whenever you want to tell me. No pressure. Just know that I'm willing to listen."

He looked up at the trees and shifted position again. "I made an appointment with Nolan for next week. He seemed a little surprised to hear from me after the way I walked out on him last time."

"That's good. I'm glad you decided to go back to him."

"It's been nearly a year. It was a year ago, next week, when I went to Mayfield."

Cuddy nodded. "The day Chase and Cameron got married. I'll never forget it. I took Rachel to the wedding, but only stayed a short time after the ceremony. I just couldn't look at all those happy people without thinking of how different things were for you and what you were going through."

"You've never asked me about what happened there."

"Well, Wilson kept me informed about the basics, but I never thought you'd want to tell me more."

He looked at her and turned away for a moment, but then decided that he could try sharing some of it with her, at least.

"The detox took most of the first week. They finally had to strap me to the bed, because I was so violently insistent on having them give me something stronger than what they had me on."

Cuddy winced and shook her head. "Oh God, House."

"When I was finally moved to the ward, I tried everything I could think of to be disruptive, so they'd let me go sooner just to get rid of me. Of course, that didn't work, and I wound up in one of those empty padded quiet rooms as punishment."

He hesitated, thinking about Alvie and Freedom Master and Lydia, and unsure that he wanted to relive all that right now.

She sensed that he didn't want to go on, and said "You've come a long way."

"All the way to a hot tub in your backyard. Pretty unbelievable, huh?"

She splashed him playfully and moved over next to him.

"I'm glad you like the present."

"Better than the past," he quipped. "No, seriously - this is probably the most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me." He draped an arm over her shoulder. "Gravity's working against me, so everything's easier in water, but this is so much better than just soaking. I could really get used to this."

"Then think of it as your own personal hydrotherapy tank, and make it another one of your routines."

"That means I'll be over here nearly every day this summer. Think you can take that much of me? I don't wanna wear out my welcome."

"You couldn't do that. I love you. Correction – we love you. You're so good with her, Greg."

"She's a doll. What's not to love?"

"And you're a big kid yourself sometimes. You just seem to instinctively know how to deal with her."

"I never thought I'd be a good father. Stacy didn't want kids, and after that, well … there was never anyone else who would've even considered me that way. And my dad … let's just say, he didn't exactly provide the greatest example to follow."

"I know you've said you hated him, and you certainly resisted going to the funeral, but that's another thing you don't have to talk about if you don't want to."

House looked out over the lawn and then up to the sky and the trees. "Maybe another day."

Cuddy nodded. "Fair enough. But you should know that I have no doubt you can be a good father."

"I can't help thinking about how old I'll be when she's 10 or 15, and wondering what kind of shape I'll be in by then."

"I'm not that young myself, you know, to be dealing with a baby."

"Thought you were 38, my dear," he said, smirking.

"You know perfectly well how old I am. You'll be 51 next month, which makes me 44, the same seven years younger I've always been."

"At least you're finally admitting it," he teased. "That's a real sign of maturity, Cuddly."

She grinned at him and took his hand under the water. "Parenting isn't about age or physical abilities. It's about love, and despite what anyone else may think, I know you're capable of that."

He pulled her towards him, and they embraced in the hot swirling water, under the darkening sky.


	20. Chapter 20

On Monday morning, House checked on the patient they'd diagnosed over the weekend, who was now out of intensive care and in a private room. This was an extremely rare thing for him to do. He was in the habit of moving on as soon as a diagnosis was confirmed, taking no interest in actual treatment or patient follow-up, which he'd always considered boring. But he'd been doing a lot of things in the last few days that he thought he'd never do, and following up on a patient seemed no stranger than any of the others. Besides, the guy hadn't lied about anything in his background or been obnoxious in any way, and House was genuinely interested in how he was doing.

Without a case to occupy the team, the guys were in the clinic for most of the morning. They returned around noon and were all sitting around the conference table in the outer office when House entered with copies of a file.

"New patient," he said, sliding the files across the table to each of Chase, Foreman and Taub.

They were just starting to review the new case when they heard the door open again and looked up to see Thirteen standing there. They were all stunned into silence, as this was completely unexpected. She took a couple of steps into the room, and stopped again.

"Remy," Foreman finally said. "You're here."

"Brilliant observation," she said, smiling. "I'm gonna say this quickly, to all of you at once, and then we won't have to discuss it again, okay?"

Silent stares and a couple of nods were the only replies.

"I called my father on Friday, and wound up spending the whole weekend with him. He was of course upset by the news, but he also told me a lot about the first years of my mother's illness – stuff I was too young to really remember. Long story short, both of them got a lot of joy out of those years, before her symptoms worsened, and there were many things she could still do, a lot that they both did together. So he convinced me to do everything I can, with every day, and try not to obsess about the future. He didn't tell me to come back to work, just asked what makes me happy, and told me to do that. Well, I can't say it always makes me happy to be here, but, more often than not, it does, even when you guys get into one of your ridiculously juvenile arguments. I may need to take days off now and then, and most hands-on patient care may not be possible, but if you still want me, I wanna be here."

She waited for an answer, but they all seemed muted by a collective lump in their throats. House looked around the table and saw the emotion on each of their faces and a little suspicious telltale moisture in their eyes. He knew she'd want them to be cool about this, though, so he finally got up and walked over to her, handing her his copy of the file.

"Welcome back," he said simply.

She nodded and sat down at the table, opening the file and starting to read it.

"Let's get to work," he said.

As they started discussing the case, he looked at her animated, beautiful face and remembered his father's words, which had once made him so angry - _"You just don't know how lucky you are."_ John House had been wrong about a lot of things, throughout Greg's life, but House suddenly realized that maybe he'd been right about that, after all. He'd been consumed by his problems for so long that he'd often failed to appreciate the good things in his life. And there were a lot of them, especially now. A best friend who'd stood by him through numerous tough times, when he could've easily given up and walked away. A woman who loved him, just as he was and aware of his faults, but who also inspired him to become a better man. An adoring child who brought joy and laughter into his life. And his team – people who kept him engaged at work and who challenged his mind, and, truth be told, people he considered friends. Maybe, as he'd told Cuddy that fateful night, he was "the most screwed-up person in the world," but if Thirteen had the strength and the guts to still be here, still trying, he knew he could never give up. Not just for Cuddy, or Rachel, or Wilson, but for himself, most of all.

_That's all, folks! This is now complete at 20 chapters. I'm sure new eps in September will inspire me to write more stories, but, until then, hope you all enjoyed my take on the first days of the House/Cuddy relationship. Have a great summer!_


End file.
